Someone who attends Vineyard OP recently asked me for some advice on how to share their life following Jesus with their friend who was a self-proclaimed agnostic. An agnostic is a person who is doubtful or non-committal about something. In matters of religion (where this term is commonly used) it means "a person who claims that they cannot have true knowledge about the existence of God, but does not deny that God might exist". I wrote up a lengthy response, as I am prone to do, and so I decided I would share it with all of you. With some edits, following is my response:

It is difficult to talk in detail about reaching out to an agnostic about Jesus. Relationship is central, and your approach to sharing your experiences of God in your own life is unique to each person you want to reach. Without knowing your friend, I am hesitant to make any specific suggestions. From my experience, agnosticism is typically concerned with what works, and the self-proclaimed agnostic has usually determined Christianity does not work. This conclusion is usually drawn from numerous first and second-hand experiences with self-proclaimed Christians that contradict their perceived understanding of the message of Jesus. Often times, these perceptions are even born from reading the Bible. These collective experiences leave the agnostic with the impression that God might be real, but that these Christians certainly don't represent Him.

That said, I have experienced some general guidelines that will apply to many situations, but not all. You will need to pray and discern which of these guidelines might be helpful in your situation.

Before you begin, I recommend asking yourself a series of questions:

What is your motive in this relationship?

Pray and ask God to show you why you want to see this person come closer to Him. Any motive other than obedience to God's will in this relationship is suspect and should be scrutinized through prayer and asking God for discernment. You should always be wary of intimate conversations (like the existence of God) with members of the opposite sex, whether you are single or married.

Are you able to love this person even if they never choose to follow Christ?

I refer to the love that God has for his Son, Jesus, and for those who follow and serve him - the love that wants to see each person fulfill their purpose and grow in our likeness to Jesus through obedience to God. If you are a follower of Christ, do not become romantically involved with an agnostic because of the obvious values conflicts that will arise. That's not the kind of "love" or "relationship" I am discussing here. The kind of love I am talking about changes lives just through its sheer demonstration. It shows that a life in submission to God makes a positive difference. It shows the agnostic that it works.

What is the other person's openness to discussion?

You cannot force this kind of discussion. What may be of central importance to you (God) may not be that important to your friend at all. Arguing will only confirm your friend's doubts about the arrogance and condescension of Christians. This is why the first 2 questions are so important. Agnostics can smell false pretense and "bait-and-switch" tactics a mile away. Any stitch of insincerity or bad motive on your part will be exposed.

Sometimes, agnostics are just spoiling for a fight, and aren't really interested in the things of God at all. If this is the case, then wait for God's timing. Apart from God audibly telling you to go aggressively head-to-head with her, you should avoid being drawn into the fray.

You can't force a divine encounter, so I recommend the following things as you proceed:

Remain in humble and genuine friendship with this person

Again, getting romantically involved is extremely dangerous - don't do it. If God has called you to be one of His representatives to this person, then you can wait and demonstrate God's love as you go. One nice thing about agnostics is that all religious and philosophical ideas are pretty much of equal weight, so you can share your experiences and perspectives openly without imposing your beliefs on your friend. If you pray for someone and they are healed, then share this story with your friend. Don't present it to your friend as the absolute truth that they need to believe - simply share with them the facts as you see them and what it means in your life.

I believe most agnostics are looking for evidence that something really works (i.e. brings peace and joy) in this world. Your demonstration of a life in relationship with God is extremely important. Even if you never give a Gospel presentation to your friend, you will be witnessing by sharing your life with them.

Also, don't bring in "an expert", like a pastor, to meet with your friend or talk with them unless they ask for it and you know their request is genuine. Bringing in the experts without your friend's consent will break their trust concerning your motives (and rightly so!).

Pray for your friend and pray for divine appointments.

This is pretty straight-forward. Make sure you intercede in prayer for your friend every day. Ask God to provide opportunities for you to share your faith in practical ways. And then act on the divine appointments He puts you in!

Leave the results up to God.

God is the one who calls people to Him, and the one who is able to save your friend. You can't. No matter how hard we try, we are unable to save anyone. "The results" are something you may never get to see. Life may take you far away from your friend. You may not be part of the flow of influences God sends their way until some point in the future your friend chooses to follow God. Or doesn't. As much of a downer as this is, your friend has a choice, and in the end they may not choose God. That is a possible outcome we pray against. But we trust God is in control of it all and that He holds the plan for your friend.

Focus your efforts on hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit so that you will be able to tell His voice apart from all the other "noise" in the moment. Follow God's lead and you can't go wrong. You want to partner with God, not work against Him. At the end of the day, you desire for your friend to know the joy that you know: to know what it is like to be connected to genuine purpose in the universe. To know that there is a plan and that God is in control. The agnostic would like for this to be true, but just isn't there yet.

One final note

It is unlikely that you are the last chance for your friend to learn about God. He is at work all around us in ways we cannot anticipate. Our job is to act in the moment out of obedience. You might start hearing an ominous foreboding voice in your head that says, "This is the last chance. You need to force the issue and proclaim the Gospel to your friend tonight! If you don't, their blood is on your hands!" If this happens to you I recommend you ask this question: "Is that you God?" 99% of the time you are not the first - or the last - chance the agnostic has of learning the truth about a life spent following Jesus.

These general guidelines are true for just about any person with whom you want to share your experience of God. Check your motives, seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, proceed in humility and love and leave the results up to God.

Thanks,

David Andersen
Vineyard Church of Overland Park